"Okay, you're a goon, but what's a goon to a goblin..." (c) Lil Wayne
A friend of mine on facebook just called Lebron James a "goblin." To elaborate on that, Bron-Bron is more like the goblin in the classic Twilight Zone episode "Nightmare at 20,000 Feet"
...or is that a gremlin? Ionno. Either way James has tore up the Chicago Bulls in Round 1 of the Eastern Conference Playoffs like that monster tore up the airplane while making Bill Shatner freak out.
To monsterize or terrorize is the only way one can describe Lebron's play against the Bulls in his first postseason shot a them. He's just wrapped up what instantly has to be considered one of his defining playoff performances — 37 points, 12 rebounds, 11 assists — while the Cavs bullied the Bulls 121-98, the win has basically caused anyone who peeped the game to write Chicago's epitaph for the 09-10 season. Over four games Lebron has averaged 34.3 points, 8 rebounds and 7 assists with an overall efficiency rating of + 38.33, meaning that whenever he's on the court (averaging 42 minutes per game, btw) the Cavs are 38.33 points better than the Bulls.
All this leads to the obvious conclusion made as soon as the series matchup materialized — one that despite my Bulls fandom I never could argue — that Cleveland is miles better than Chicago and won't be challenged at all. Ok, fine. But as a Bulls fan, after game 3 you couldn't help but have hope that we could at least have a chance to win once more at home, save face at the UC and proceed to lose games 5 and 6 in the 'Land. But nope, the Bulls can't even get the chance to hold it down at home, they really had no chance today.
And why is that? Because Lebron is a goon, a goblin, he's any scary thing that a Tea Partier would like to transpose a pic of Obama with. And outside of winning as many world titles as he can his most important task in the NBA, whether he knows it or not, is to torment the Chicago Bulls and their followers.
Bulls fans can only hope that when James' career is at an end that it was only five times where Lebron embarrassed and/or break our hearts in the playoffs. Five is the number of times that Michael Jordan did the same in our name to Cleveland:
1988 -- lost to Chicago, 3-2, first round
1989 -- lost to Chicago, 3-2, first round
1992 -- lost to Chicago, 4-2, conference finals
1993 -- lost to Chicago, 4-0, conference semifinals
1994 -- lost to Chicago, 3-0, first round
What's happened this series, culminating Sunday, was the first time I believe I've felt what Cleveland felt during those years — sneaky feelings of optimism being squelched at an instant, and then being awash with feelings of hopelessness, mixed with envy and with awe. How else can you feel when watching Lebron just make a 44-foot jumper at the end of the third quarter like it aint shit.
What's happened here and what will happen in the future will simply be acts of karma — it's their turn now. And although I hold out hope that the Bulls will add a front-line player or two and they along with Derrick Rose and my man Joakim Noah (who's proven how real he is this series) will usher in another era of true title contention, I have the feeling that it will all be for nothing. Every time he'll be there — on the wing, tearing shit up, laughing as we go down (and yes, he's staying in Cleveland to do it too).
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